Over the past 5 years, I have:
- Experienced a divorce
- Dealt with financial challenges
- Finished my PhD
All three of these things have presented clarity on how to survive life challenges, understand what is most important, and realize that what people think of me doesn’t matter two cents. I stayed too long in my first marriage trying to maintain a specific image that I thought I should maintain to have a career and friends.
None of that even mattered.
Dr. Cassandra Hawkins
When I remarried, I settled because I didn’t want to be a single mother anymore. I didn’t want to feel the judgment of others around me. Guess what? None of that even mattered. My second ex-husband decided he didn’t want to be married and ended up married while we were going through our divorce. How he managed that one, I don’t know, but it helped me to understand his pattern more. He was truly a mistake that I could have avoided, but I was so worried about what people thought of me. External validation was more important to me than my self-validation.
I had so many bad dating experiences after my last divorce. I focused on whether the person looked great on paper. I projected and ignored flaws because I focused on only the good thing about that man. Now, I don’t care anything about whether or not he looks great on paper. I don’t care if I am judged about having been married twice or having four children. Being married and having what my parents have is no longer a priority to me.
Caring whether or not I am included in the party invite, having a large number of likes via social media, being a single mother, or even being single does not matter anymore. I have found true peace and happiness in my life. I promise myself that I am going to continue to retain both.
These are my new 2 rules for life:
- I live for me.
I put myself first. My decisions for my life are based on what I think is best for me and not what others think I should do or what I believe others think I should do.
- Focus on the people who truly show me that they love me and are in my corner.
My circle is small now in comparison to before, but I know that my current circle has my back and loves me unconditionally.
In six months, I turn 41. With so much death and sorrow around me, I value my peace and happiness even more. You should, too.
Post originally posted to Typeshare Social Blog: typeshare.co/drcassandrahawkins
The Bougie Professor - Dr. Cassandra Hawkins 